Nostalgia

I am sitting in a hotel in Omaha Nebraska reflecting back on my last few days in Minnesota.  That is such a bittersweet thought for me. To know that I am not sure when I will be back. My family moved to Minnesota when I was 4. I grew up in a place that was actually pretty great. I began planning to leave in March, for 9 months I have been working on all the things that needed to happen, and it was never very far from my mind that this would be my last year in Minnesota.   I would be driving somewhere and would hit me that I would not see it again after this year, I would say to myself that this is the last spring that I was going to be there, the last summer and the last school year. I started to look at my hometown a little differently. It was so easy to just overlook all that there is there. I have been so blessed by all that I have been able to do and experience. I had access to so much, the Minnesota Orchestra, The Minneapolis Museum of Art, cuisine from around the world, beautiful parks, thousands of lakes, beaches, biking trails, cultural events and so many that I can't even name them all. I often wonder if I will settle in a place that can even compare to it.

On friday I went into work and it hit me that I would be unemployed at 3:00. I have had continuous employment for the past 11 years. Over half of that time has been spent at a middle school.  It became more than just a job. I never dreaded going into work. I loved just about every minute of my time there. That really was a huge influence on shaping me as an adult. I began there as a young adult just barely out of my teens, I was not much older than the students that i was working with and through that time I discovered who I am as a person. I learned so much, not only about teaching and instructing but about myself and what I was capable of doing.

I know that God has been preparing me through out these years to become who I am, every single moment in my life has been leading to exactly where I am now. In this hotel room beginning a new part of my life, every decision I have made, every event that taught me about who I am has been guided by the hand of God.

  I have been the one saying goodbye all these years as people have moved on and here I am the one that is going on to new adventures.
I have been so incredibly blessed by the people in my life and I know that I will never forget them. There are people who have come and gone and people that I will know forever. People who have shown me love and compassion and I know that I can never replace them in my heart.

And as I drove through Eagan for the last time, I realized that I would be leaving a little piece of my heart in the midwest.

Pants and church

Why I don’t wear pants to church

Please remember that this is my opinion, I am entitled to mine as you are to yours please respect this as I have respected yours.

Let me first start off by saying that I have no problem with women who wear pants to church. A woman who I have admired for years has worn pants to church. It is quite understandable. I live in Minnesota, where the winter temperatures drop well below zero and the wind chill brings it down even more. I once asked my dear Mother why we wear skirts to church. She replied with a simple answer that was and still is why I choose to wear skirts every Sunday, we wear our best clothing because we are showing our respect for our Heavenly Father. I wear pants every day of the week, I am much more comfortable in them, I always have been. When I put on a skirt or a dress on Sunday morning I feel different, I feel more reverent and I feel as though I am saying I will dress as though I have a very important person to meet, and I do have an important person to meet, My Heavenly Father. I go to church to meet God.  I go because I know that there I will feel the Spirit of God and I will be sustained throughout the week as I move about in the world. While reading an article about gender equality in the church I saw the following question.  

“Why have decisions and doctrines impacting women around the world been made without consulting the presidencies of the Church's global women's auxiliaries?”

This is not doctrine, but if asked by a member or non-member for my opinion on the question I would reply as follows.

The decisions and doctrines that that are made in our church are handed down, by God, through divine inspiration to the Prophets and Apostles that I sustained and continue to sustain every 6 months during General Conference. I know that each of the men that I sustain are worthy priesthood holders who have our best interests at heart. They would no more seek or desire to domineer and oppress the women in the church than would our Heavenly Father.  

This is a second question that caught my eye.

 Why do Mormons routinely downplay our belief in a Heavenly Mother and refuse to talk about her in church on Sundays?

I want to quote a song that I have sung in church on more than one occasion. I think it’s a beautiful song and one that speaks to my heart.

O My Father which was written my Eliza R. Snow, in the third line we see this line: 

In the heav'ns are parents single?                                                                                                             No, the thought makes reason stare.                                                                                                          Truth is reason; Truth eternal                                                                                                                  Tells me I’ve a Mother there.

That is not the only reference to a Heavenly Mother in the song, again in verse 4 we ask again “Father, Mother, may I meet you in your royal courts on high?” I too wondered why we don’t talk about our Heavenly Mother, why she is not mentioned. I was not told to stop asking, I was not told that it was something that we don’t talk about. I was given an answer by a teacher who helped me understand it better. Think about how maligned God is, how his name is used not in reverence but as an epithet. Why would we ever want to have the same thing happen to our Divine Mother. I know that if there is a Heavenly Father there must be a Heavenly Mother. God created us in his image and if that is so then creating children whether children of flesh and blood as here on the earth or spirit children in the preexistence there must be both parts, male and female. We will one day know our Heavenly Mother but until then I will continue on in the belief that she is so loved and respected that Heavenly Father would keep her from the abuse and outrage that is directed at him on a daily basis.

But hiding our differences and questions has costs as well -- to those who maintain silence and to the larger faith community. It fosters fearfulness, timidity, inauthenticity and intimidation. It fosters the assumption that all Mormons think and believe alike, and with this is fosters unintended thoughtlessness and carelessness. Not only toward Mormons concerned with traditional gender inequalities but to anyone who doesn't fit the cookie-cutter Mormon model: from the stay-at-home father and the gay teenager to the new convert and the interracial family.

I feel that I must make known my opinions on this particular paragraph of the article. I am going to put my opinion out there. It may cause some people to become angry with me. It may cause some people to judge me. But here it is, if you don’t fit the “cookie cutter Mormon model” it is just fine with me. Who am I to judge another person? I am not God, I was instructed by God to love everyone. Everyone. Every time.

I don’t need to tell the stay at home father that he is “doing it wrong”. He and his wife have made the decision that was best for THEIR family, not mine. 

To the gay teenager, you love who you want to love, and I’m going to love who I want to love. No questions, no judgment, no hatred. I am just trying to get through this life as best I can, I don’t need to make it harder for you. 

To the new convert, welcome. I am so glad that you have found this church. I don’t care what you have done in your past. All that matters is going forward. I am still learning too. 

To the interracial couple, we are all one race, human, there are different ethnicities and different skin colors. There are not different races, the only difference between my white skin and my friend’s dark skin is the amount of melanin that is produces. Just because I produce less does not make me better. 

I think that if we truly understand the Savior and the church we would realize that we need to love one another and not cast judgments at our fellow brothers and sisters. We are not instructed to love one another as long as that person is just the same and has the same opinions and looks just like you. There are no conditions to love one another. I know that I am in no way perfect but I am trying and that is what matters to me.

As a woman I know that I have a special place in the church. I get to do what I do best. I get to nurture. This makes me so happy. I am not saying this because I have been brain washed into thinking it. I am only saying this because it is what I, as one member of a global church, feel my role is. I wish nothing more than to be able to teach and nurture the spirit children that Heavenly Father will hopefully entrust to my care. I know that through my example and teachings I can have an impact on the church. Every time that I hold and care for my dear nephew I am holding a future priesthood holder. If I am blessed with sons, I will be responsible for their care and upbringing. I look to the mothers of the Stripling Warriors as an example of how to raise boys to become Men of God. I hope sincerely that my future husband will have the same thoughts about gender. That he will be respectful of women and will teach our sons to have respect and honor for all women. No matter what roles they desire to fulfill in our world. 

There need to be strong women. There need to be women and men who stand up for the women who are oppressed and who are not respected. As a woman in the LDS faith I do not believe that we are unequal. We have different roles to fulfill in the church. Each role is vital to the success of the Lord's work.

President Joseph Fielding Smith once said:
“There is nothing in the teachings of the gospel which declares that men are superior to women.

  If there are women in the gospel who feel oppressed and belittled by men please remember that it is not God's will to subjugate women. The gospel, the doctrine, the divine prophecy that is handed down to the priesthood holders is perfect and it is intended to aid in the Lord's work.  

 The most noble, exalting calling of all is that which has been given to women as the mothers of men. Women do not hold the priesthood, but if they are faithful and true, they will become priestesses and queens in the kingdom of God” (Doctrines of Salvation, comp. Bruce R. McConkie

Hello is any one out there?

I have always been a horrific journaler <(that's not even a word) So it would follow that I am a horrific blogger. I guess that would make sense because I haven't blogged in about 4 years. I always blamed it on being kind of boring. I guess that's true, who wants to hear about my going to work, and then more work and I can't even talk about the funny things that happen at work (confidentiality laws). But Now I am finally doing something different. I am going back to school. Woo Hoo! Not just school but I am moving across country to do it.
I also didn't really blog because well, who wants to hear about what I have to think. Then I decided, who cares if no one wants to read it. I want to write about it. I also don't journal because who wants their future progeny to hear about all my inner thoughts. I don't want that. So in the interest of having something to pass on and just because I want to I am going to start blogging so that I can get some of these things off of my mind and into the interwebs.